“I’m Not a Good Mother!”

She said –

“I’m not a good mother! Even when someone else tells me I’m a great mother, I cringe a little inside because I feel it’s not true. I remember the times I get upset with my child for taking too long to eat. I say “No” more times than I say ‘Yes.” I often feel like I have too many rules. I’m also not really a “fun” mom. I don’t do a lot of fun craft activities with my kids. I give them too much sugar at times. The one hour of “quiet time” I insist they have every day is more for me than for them. I don’t feed them enough vegetables. My house is always a mess. I constantly stress about the amount of screen time they get or don’t get. I feel like my kids are always fighting. I don’t get out of the house with them too much for outside activities. I want them to obey me immediately, even as the words are leaving my mouth. I expect too much of them.”

“No,” she said to herself, “I’m not a good mom.”

Well….that “she” was….

ME…

Maybe it was, or is, you too?!

I’ve said it to myself a million times – “I’m not a good mother.”

This is the kind of mom I was. Always feeling guilty. Never feeling good enough.

Not anymore.

I’ve realized recently that wallowing in such thoughts actually means that I’m doubting God’s plan for me. If I really was a bad mother to my kids, would He have entrusted these two precious children to me? God sees us when we’re in our mother’s womb. As He knit my girls in there, He knew (even before they were born) that I was the best mother for them. He knew I wouldn’t be perfect. He knew I would get it wrong – a lot! He knew I had so much to learn. Yet, He chose me.

It took a while for this truth to permeate into every part of my being. Now I know it’s not about me doing a great job as a mom. It’s about Jesus and His amazing grace. It’s about the fact that He delights in me regardless of the many mistakes I make. So now, when these feelings of inadequacy hit me, I try not to drown myself in self-pity, I try not to go down the rabbit hole of  “I’m a bad mom because…” Instead of allowing myself to be invaded by these natural reactions, I take a moment to sit awhile with the One who made me a mother. Instead of letting my mind run wild with these feelings, I try to be still in His presence. I let Him speak to me.

And in these quiet moments I find the strength to try again, to do better, to be the best version of myself.

In the quietness I always find comfort. As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you. – Isaiah 66:13

When I feel “I can’t do this!” I find encouragement. Children are God’s love-gift; they are heaven’s generous reward. – Psalm 127:3

When I feel like I’m being too “strict”, I find assurance that I’m doing what’s good for them. Train up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old he will not turn from it. – Proverbs 22:6

When I feel lonely in my motherhood journey, He promises to help me. The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. – Psalm 28:7

When I make a mistake, I find His gentle love convicting me. Thoroughly wash me, inside and out, of all my crooked deeds. Cleanse me from my sins. For I am fully aware of all I have done wrong, and my guilt is there, staring me in the face. It was against You, only You, that I sinned, for I have done what You say is wrong, right before Your eyes. So when You speak, You are in the right. When You judge, Your judgments are pure and true. – Psalm 51:2-4

When I feel guilty, He is compassionate and merciful. The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. For His unfailing love toward those who fear Him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. – Psalm 103: 8-11

When I’m scared of the future, He strengthens me. Remember that I commanded you to be strong and brave. Don’t be afraid, because the Lord your God will be with you everywhere you go. – Joshua 1:9

Always “He gives more grace…” – James 4:6

He really has my back. If not for Christ, I would have completely messed up this motherhood journey. But He has provided me with “every good thing.” First and foremost, His living Word guides me and leads me along unknown paths. He also provided me a partner in my parenthood journey– my husband, who walks this path with me, encourages me, and lifts me up when I stumble. He’s also bestowed me with a whole village – my family, older women I admire and look up to, my mama friends, and my sisters in Christ. As the old African proverb goes, “It takes a village to raise a child.” I couldn’t agree more.

Am I the perfect mom? No. Can I do a better job as a mother? Sure I can. And that is my prayer when I wake up every morning, that God would help me be a better mom, a little more patient than yesterday, and with a lot more grace for my kids as well as myself. I remind myself that I don’t own my kids, I am nothing more than a steward of these little people I brought into this world. It is my privilege to teach them and equip them to face the world when they’re ready to fly the nest. I may not be perfect but I am the best for my kids. All that matters is that I show up for them. The Lord believes in me. It’s time I believed in myself.

So, if you’re feeling like I used to, dear mama, you’re not alone. Strive to be better, but be kind to yourself. Give yourself permission to make mistakes and to move on from them. Take time to sit awhile, dear mama. Sit awhile with Him. Remember He chose you before the foundations of this earth. He knows you inside out. Out of all the women in the world, He chose YOU to be the mother of your children. And He never EVER makes a mistake.

Happy Mother’s Day, to all the mamas reading this. Remember you’re a GOOD mother – the best your kids could have!